S a s u k e H i r o s h i

Him..

Sunday, September 20, 2009 speech bubble

Wow...I can't believe Im typing the 100th post about him.
Well..I'd just finished talking with *****.
And gosh,I cant believe everything just comes pouring out like that.
I thought I'd made a promise to myself that I'd never think about it again? I thought I'd told myself to keep anything concerning him at the back of my mind?
Well...in truth,I dont think I can cope well at all.This is all leading to nowhere.
What's with all these 'hiding all his letters n gifts away,deleting all da saved precious memories,his pictures,his contact number..and even those unsent messages to him'?
Gosh..Im so paranoid with myself so much.I cant get enough sleep these days. No food appeals me to eat 'em (Heck,not even kat's lasagna) I've lost my appetite.Dinner for like 3 scoops of rice at maximum.Heck,im Seventeen now..I should be old enough to control my emotions well.
If this is what I chose..then why am I feeling so hurt,so troubled and all. What do I really want? These all are driving me crazy. Come to think about it,its so ironic.I told him to not lose himself,yet Im doing that myself.

100th post.

Darn,I can never understand my own feelings well.I can never make the right decision for myself.They always come out so WRONG. Im so used to going with the flow,I sometimes lose myself. When can I ever wake up from this seemingly neverending dream? i really wished time could go back to three years ago. But That's kinda impossible.
I really dont know what to do anymore..Each time I try not to think about him,his image just stubbornly appears.Its eating up a lot of space in my heart which makes me feel sadder each time I think about it. I've got to stop being so...urgh!

I guess the best word to describe me right now is a sick, fickle girl with no heart at all huh?
I've broken every single rule I'd made as I write all these right now.This will be the last time.I promise.It has to.This twisted piece of mess have to end. I cant keep running from him anymore.If he wants me out of his life..then..I guess its what I should do. I should stop hoping for things that are impossible now.