S a s u k e H i r o s h i

Realisation hits

Wednesday, March 10, 2010 speech bubble

CHOO SU ZIAN.
Prepare to face supreme torture 24/7 when you get back.

Well,here goes.

Things I realised about myself.

[1] I hate it when people complain about whatever choice I make

-So what if I bought an expensive purse/jeans/clothes? You think I dont feel bad about it? Well,I DO! But its worth it because I love it.And I'll treasure it.
-"It doesnt look good on you.Plus,it looks weird." C'mmon lar,is this how you spoil a person's mood before going out?

[2] I hate being misunderstood all the time.Worse? I dont even have the energy to explain myself

-Why do people always misjudge me before hearing me out? I effin' hate it.Especially when I TRY so HARD to explain. But NO.You selfish ARROGANT assholes just wouldn't hear me out. I tend to get so fed up and burst inside. PEOPLE,do you know how HARD it is to feel that way? Lemme describe it. You can't feel secured most of the time,and you keep wondering about it,sighing over it And being HELPLESS.

[3] When I get frustrated at someone/Lost in a fight,I'd find a private space and scream real loud-til the maximum (you can actually feel your own throat going to tear apart,no kidding) ,and then cry about it.

-"AaaaaaaAaaaAaaarGgghh"I know.its kinda lame.Everybody does that.But it actually helps.The pain in the throat eventually takes over my rage and frustration.

[4] I cant control my emotions well.

-Yes.I cry about lotsa things that doesnt even involve myself. It kinda sucks.Because my tears fall real easily. There you go. SUPER Low EQ.Shame on me.Omo.

[5] I mind a LOT about what people think about me /talk behind my back

-Yeap. I the kind of "you-bitch-about-me-behind-my-back?-You-DIE" person.I can't seem to make firm decisions most of the time.When people criticize about it,I sometimes just don't stand my ground.Example,when my mum/friend says my clothes isnt that nice/she doesnt like it,I'd go change it right away.I should be more confident.THATS what I lack the most.CONFIDENCE.

[6] When I dont feel happy about/disagree on a friend doing something,I'd let her do it even more and feel horrible inside.

-This is a fact that really bothers me a lot.I have NO idea why I'd do it.Normal people will do their best to object it.But I just dont.And then I'd go emo all day long.

[7] I never felt like myself around my family

-Sad,but true.I only release 45% of my real emotions at home. Plus,I often get misunderstood.

[8] Im a spoilt person

-Yep.I dont do house chores. I only sweep/mop my room once in a while. So,I often feel real bad when my friends do housechores.

[9] Im a super when it comes to "fickle-minded-ness" (own word,mind you :)

- I think too much.Omo.I fantasize alot of things that are not true at a lot of times.I guess I have problems making people like me. Truth is,because of this,more people thinks Im annoying/weird. But when im in this condition,I actually do care a lot.Just....not in an appropriate way.

[10] Im a selfish/"kia shu" person and I HATE it when people get better than me AND mock me.

-especially when it comes to doing things I like best.Take Martial Arts for an example. I always have this thinking "Alright,I HAVE to be the best in this class"....which actually sucks BIG time.Its killing me. Whenever a person gets better than me/learns faster (mind you,Im a slow learner) ,I tend to get real upset/angry/jealous. Sometimes,I even come close to the sensation of giving up.I totally HATE that kind of myself.A lot.

Suz dear,I've finished my homework. Worry not,I shall find a way to get back at you.You just wait.

PS : Will be going to Singapore alone to meet up with my sister.Omo Omo...Kowai desu...This will be the first time I actually travel alone without any guidance.Wish me luck =)

: To all SPM-ers,tommorow's the big day. Good luck to all. Cheers.