Sunday, July 11, 2010 0 comment(s)

-I decided to type this out here rather than my diary-
-To people who have their personal opinions about Christians,don't bother reading this-
-To people who doesn't like me emo-ing my heart out,you don't belong here-

Otherwise, Enjoy your stay & god bless...

I was emo.
Again.

Seems like I broke my own promise again.
Before going to church service today, I broke down while spamming my diary
(WRITING A DIARY IS NOT LAME. *glares*)

On Friday, I’d finally finished my stop motion.
723 pictures for a 2 minute video.
Took me 3 sleepless nights.
…It got rejected.
I had to re-do the same thing.
It was exasperating. O_O

After I’ve finished. I felt horrible.Stressed out. Being a designer is not easy job as people say.
You’ve got to have DETERMINATION.
You’ve got to have FAITH.
You’ve got to have brain juice 24/7 to the max (Which OBVIOUSLY I lacked)
You’ve got to satisfy the lecturers.

Then I got all emo, and thoughts such as..
"Why do I even come to Singapore?”
"Is this how my life is going to be from now on?”
"My friends and family are all in Malaysia..I feel so lonely..”
"Yen’s sometimes busy/unavailable when I needed him most or…my sis is busy with her kids”

I felt so alone.
The friends I normally hang out with at Poly aren’t Sarah or Kat.

Then I poured out how I feel to dad.
Yes,of ALL people,HIM.
I asked him whether coming to Singapore is the right choice.
It was okay at first, but then he said,
”If i ask you to come back, will you do it?”

He really, really didn’t like him.
I didn’t reply him after that.

I tried to clear my tears as I entered church, but Joanna caught me.
”You looked like you’re gonna cry.”
I ignored her,hoping that she’d ignore me too so I won’t have to cry in front of her.
Instead… “Is there something wrong?”
Then my tears betrayed me.

To those that doesn’t know who she is…
She’s my long LOST twin.
My Tutor in Bible Study.
We shared every bad habits.
We share the same name.
We’re like…9 days apart from each other’s b’day.

Today, this really cool dude named Pastor Mike Connell preached at our church.
He is known as the Inner healing dude.

Joanna encouraged me to go out as well.
And I did.
A part of me inside kept screaming, “YES,I WANT to be HEALED.I’m SICK of being like this!”
I was so determined.
But when I went out, people started screaming, wailing, crying.
I got shocked. My body sorta acted on its own. I tried to back off, but she pressed me on when i had no courage.
I started sobbing,then crying.

When it was my turn, I wailed as well. A guy laid hands on me and started “purifying”
I was so blur..I didn’t know what was going on.
And then I fell,well, my knees buckled actually.It went jelly.
On the floor, Joanna kept praying,and Praying, meaning every word.
Though my eyes were closed, I heard her clearly.
Eventually, I calmed.
I felt a whole lot better after that.
The answer I’ve been seeking all the time is always there.
Its just that I didn’t have enough faith.
I COMPLAIN a lot about my life.
I PITIED myself too much.

“God will not let us handle situation that’s too hard for us."

Everything will be alright tomorrow.
I know it will.
Because its a promise between him and I.

Thank you for everything you’ve done for me ,twin.
For teaching me.
For giving the courage to walk on.
For motivating me.

I feel touched by what you’ve done today.
No one, in my life has consoled me this way before.
My besties,yes, But never a solution for me to look at.

You let me realize that I’m not alone.

(*smiles) – I think I betta end it here. Its getting geli-fying,huh?

I you,

My sassy twin. XD